The Secretary
by Vultaggio
Summary: A simple thing like firing a secretary, becomes a lot more complicated for Rufus. Will he ever be able to fire her? Some Swearing, No Romance.


The Secretary

Note: I got this idea from a fic I was reading, It was this C/S/Z threesome and the ending gave me this idea XD

It's all PG-13 baby!

Rated for curse-words...

Rufus was a first-class asshole. SOLDIERS First-Class could beat up anyone's ass (as long as they weren't Sephiroth) and probably scare a cadet enough to make him be a human doorstop for a day AND piss his pants, well if they wanted to. Rufus could fire anyone's ass (if they worked under him) and make anyone's life a living hell, because he was rich, and he was an ass enough to do it.

He was given the job to manage a ShinRa office building, but he spent most of his time neglecting his job and leaving all his work to his secretary. His favorite activity to do instead of work was torturing others, he'd even go out of his way just to do so. Every once in a while he'd go down the cadet halls and scare the living bejeezus out of the poor unfortunate souls who came across his path.

Once, when he was snooping around in Dr. Hojo's laboratory, he found a whole cabinet with shelves full of vials containing a mysterious brown fluid that smelled like, looked like, and probably was liquified shit. He didn't even bother to wonder how much research money Hojo was wasting or exactly why the deranged scientist had put it in the cabinet labeled: Cafeteria Donations. Instead, he immediately cooked up a plan to get back at Sephiroth for giving him a 'look' during a board meeting a couple of weeks ago. He switched the contents of Sephiroth's coffee mug with Dr. Hojo's creation. He could hear Sephiroth's scream of rage from his office and he correctly deduced that the mystery fluid probably tasted like shit too. When he found Sephiroth at his door 30 minutes later (after having stormed through the whole building to look for the culprit), he had calmly explained how one of the Turks probably did it. The next day, he gleefully fired one of the Turks when he visited him in the hospital.

And this brings us to Rufus's most favorite activity, firing his employees. When he was little, he watched a show called "The Apprentice", from then on, his favorite phrase was "You're fired!" The show enjoyed wonderful ratings and was doing pretty well until Rufus took over the company that owned the show and got to say "You're fired!" to his once childhood idol.

He usually couldn't fire any of his Turks since their were only so many who could fit the criteria of one, but he took a special and equal pleasure in firing his grunt workers. Like the janitor who couldn't get into the supply closet after Rufus stole his keys, or that errand boy who had spilt a pile of paper work after Rufus had tripped him with a well timed foot, and the front desk lady who Rufus had fired just because she looked too happy... and he felt like it at the time.

He had fired all of his employee at least once, since sometimes (which was often) he'd accidently rehire the same guy. That is, all but one person, the secretary. He had never noticed this until one morning...

"Excuse me, Sir. You have a letter from the Governor of Sector 2." A short brunette, the secretary, handed a letter in an expensive looking manilla envelope to Rufus, who took it from her hands and promptly ripped it up.

"Tell him to go bother someone less important than me." He brought his attention back to the Gameboy he had been playing with, before he was so _rudely_ interrupted.. His secretary looked at the toy disapprovingly and frowned.

"You've been playing with that thing for over 5 months, is it that interesting?" She had kids of her own, and she never let them play video games. She figured that video games were what made Rufus such a difficult person. Without looking up from the tiny 2 inch by 2 inch screen, he replied:

"Yes, now hurry up and go do what ever I told you to do." She immediately scurried for the door; for a woman with such short legs, she could move pretty quickly. But then it occurred to him.

_FIVE months?!!_

"WAIT!" She abruptly stopped and spun around to face her boss. "How long have you been working for me?"

"Uh, a little over 2 years now, sir" She gave him a confused look and Rufus gaped. There was a digital groan from the GameBoy, as Rufus's character fell off a cliff, since he had forgotten to stop pressing the arrow buttons.

"Shit!" Rufus's head snapped immediately to his GameBoy, just to see a "Boo Hoo, Game Over, Loser" message on the screen. He internally agonized at the fact that his beloved character had died, and he hadn't saved for 3 hours. He felt bad, and when he felt bad, he fired people. Rufus sneered at the now petrified secretary and pointed a quivering finger at her.

"You're fired!" Rufus immediately regretted his words as thoughts about all the paper work that HE'D have to do, and how he'd actually have to pick up the phone, slammed through his mind. It was mind rape I tell you.. His mind revolted at the unholy thoughts and he felt nauseous just at the thought.

"Never mind, you're rehired. Now go and write that letter." The lady gave a sigh of relief and left, carefully closing the door behind her.

He had NEVER EVER had one employee for longer than 5 months, 8 months at the most if he happened to forget and they were one of those types who were just...invisible. You know, the type you bump into after filling a mug of coffee and you wonder who you just bumped into even though the person is right in front of you also vehemently apologizing.

He had a reputation to uphold, or people might think he was becoming soft...

Rufus ShinRa? Soft? NEVER!!!

Instantly, a plan was hatched in his devious little mind. It was wondrous how he could think up of such evil plots so easily and quickly when it took him nearly 5 minutes to do a simple math problem, but that was what calculators and secretaries were for.

Rufus reached for the phone on his desk, the one he had never used, but had replaced many times before, each phone never had their numbers dialed since he always answered the phone, he never made a phone call. After 3 months of use, he'd get bored of one and dispose of it. All of them would eventually be recycled to become plastic parts in the ShinRa grunt guns, which constantly broke, even if you never used them, or touched them.

But today was the faithful day. He picked up last Sunday's newspaper and flipped to the classified section. Rufus dialed the number shown on the paper and waited. The phone on the other end rung a few times before someone picked it up. The young vice president of ShinRa smiled, a devilish little crooked smile that made babies cry and little cadets to piss their pants, since it promised many horrible things, like a whirly swirly in a recently number 2ed in toilet.

"Hello, I was just wondering if I could put a "want ad" in your classified section.."

What is Rufus's evil plan?

Will the Secretary be fired?

These questions will be answered in the next, and also not betaed second chapter of this 3 part ficlet!.

Chapter 2: The Interview

Oh and please forgive the quality ;;, kinda wrote this really quickly and edited it pretty quickly too


End file.
